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California Spanky Law Plays to Mixed Reviews

Proposals now on the docket calling for fines and jail time for parents who spank their kids in California appears likely to pass in the next session.      In an attempt to clarify the situation, we contacted Spanky, the sponsor of the bill and Alfalfa, a strong opponent to the potential legislation.

Horseshoe: Good morning Mr. Spanky. Can you tell us why you have sponsored such a controversial bill? It seems that with the country at war, in environmental chaos, in economic turmoil, in dire need of analysis and unable to effectively police its own borders we continue to focus on gay marriage, legalizing marijuana and now a spanking law. Why is that?

Spanky: Because we can’t do anything about the real problems facing the nation but there are plenty of Americans out there that we can control just by-passing new laws.

Horseshoe: So, it’s a control thing..

Spanky: Isn’t everything?

Horseshoe: What about all the illegal immigrants in California? Can they legally spank their children?

Spanky: Who cares? Most don’t have a visible income. How can the indigent be expected to pay for therapy, meetings, fines and court costs?

Horseshoe: So, the focus is more on people with an income, property, something to lose.

Spanky: Right. They are the ones that are the easiest to control. They have made an investment and must protect it.

(Enter Alfalfa)

Horseshoe: Hello Mr. Alfalfa and thanks for coming to talk to us this morning.

Alfalfa: Wouldn’t miss it.

Horseshoe: Spanky here thinks his proposed legislation will pass in the California House. What do you think?

Alfalfa: First of all I am an Alfalfa Male and Alfalfa Males do not need to abuse those weaker than themselves. I don’t spank my kids and I never have.

Horseshoe: Then you support the bill?

Alfalfa: Aww contrary. I firmly oppose it just like I opposed keeping girls like Carla out of the men’s club!

Horseshoe: Can you elaborate?

Alfalfa: If this no spanking law goes through, we may as well start building more wings on San Quentin and reopen Alcatraz. We’ll need the room with all the newly emerging criminals who never had parameters at home. Is the state willing to pay for that? These kinds of laws, like DUI laws and seat belt laws, are not created due to any remote concern over public safety. They are all about revenue. Let’s restrict the people who already pay taxes so that social workers and psychologists can milk a little more money out of them. It will not rid society of abuse. Just because some ass hole like Spanky thinks he can better the situation by writing it into our legal system does not mean the problem is fixed. The entire machine is a dismal failure and the sooner we scrap it, eat the rich and redistribute the wealth we will never see the light of day. 

Spanky: Communist!

Alfalfa: No just an Alfalfa Male trying to make sense of it all.

Horseshoe: Let’s get back to the discussion on the table. What if the parents simply drove their children over to Nevada or up to Oregon and spanked them there?

Spanky: That might work.

Alfalfa: I have no problem with that.

Horseshoe: Well, now we have some common ground. What about step-children? Are they to be protected from spankings…

(Continued page 45)