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6:15 am Big Mouth News Hourly Update

Developing story regarding the well-loved Ronald Reagan airport statue at DCA in Washington: Our clandestine operators and mindless news and aluminum collectors report that it is still there this morning. Thieves took the sacred piece hostage last weekend demanding millions in ransom, only to return it when no offers reached the table. The effigy was then timorously restored to its rightful resting place, greeting air travelers at DCA.

The red, yellow and green statue of Bob Marley that meritoriously filled in during Reagan’s short absence, has been sentenced to mothballs for the present. Readers may recall that the airport was first named Bob Marley International Airport during the Carter Presidency then changed to Ronald Reagan although most Washington insiders refer to the facility as Nancy Reagan International, knowing full well who wore the pants in that family.

-Neville Hoser III