All Entries Tagged With: "Rockies"
Reincarnation More Fun than “Plain Old Death” says Swami
Coming back the earth is far more fun than plain old dropping dead says Mambo Mickey Abduke, a Hindu-Muslim ascetic who resides in Forest Service campgrounds in return for painting signage.
In a departure from policy the Horseshoe bought him lunch the other day and the following dialogue emerged.
We asked him if, metaphysically speaking, more was better than less.
Abduke: No. I think we’re all looking for quality but with reincarnation diversity is at the ultimate end. Fearing ridicule or intolerance people don’t discuss this freely. It is out of our hands, so why worry about what we think?
Horseshoe: What if one could choose his final resting place from the get go?
Abduke: Many want to go to heaven right out of the shoot, heh? They don’t seem to consider coming back here as the pawns of fate. Brothers and sisters in karma. Maybe even death is not entirely about them?
Horseshoe: Interesting. Does coming back so often make one tired?
Abduke: I don’t know but I have an aunt who claims she has experienced over 20 reincarnations, from rat to queen, and she seems to get around pretty well.
Horseshoe: Would some folks who come back as a fly remember a former life say, as a writer or a realtor?
Abduke: Do you remember your former life as a zebra, do you?
STATE DEPARTMENT ISSUES TRAVEL WARNING
(WASHINGTON) U.S. Dept of State – Bureau of Consular Affairs has issued a travel warning for a sagging perimeter between New York and Los Angeles effective midnight tonight EST.
The advisory was posted for travelers to and within the United States due to the existence of “unsafe, unstable institutions, and a population prone to violence.” It went on to say that “Despite rampant jingoism and much flag waving the entire nation is polarized beyond recognition wallowing in the dust swirls of distrust.”
The government agency classified the Eastern Seaboard as sketchy and tourists were urged to employ increased precaution when visiting the region. Meanwhile the Midwest was tagged with a reconsider travel recommendation and the South was labeled as do not travel.
The notification council and comfort status are based entirely on rumors and questionable appraisals by people familiar with these kinds of issues. Experiences depend entirely on a long roster of variables, comfort being comparative and security being relative.
– Warren of Wexley
ANSWERS TO MARCH IQ TEST
1. Probably not
2. The linen closet on a 1958 Oldsmobile
3. Miscellaneous itemized deductions not to exceed 3% of adjusted gross.
4. The outhouse door on a tuna boat
5. Buffalo burgers cause far less gas but are harder to swallow under water.
6. Linseed oil heated to 105 degrees F.
7. Not available without prescription.
8. Hillary Clinton 17, Crocodiles 2
9. Pay-Per-View War
10. Employment of the Devil’s Picture Book turned out to be more effective than collecting all those Iraqi high school year books.
”When the beautiful mulata walks to the sea, the waves are gentle, the wind subsides, the sea is blue-green in emeralds. The sea is pleased.” – Jorge Amado
Apple releases core data on iBreathe
(Gunnison) The Apple Corporation confirmed today that Gunnison, Colorado has been designated official test market for its new iBreathe tablet. The iBreathe, a kissing cousin to iPad, e-Books and iPhone, will reportedly take over human bodily functions such as breathing and digestion while it corners daily constitutionals such as eating, drinking, sleeping and regularity.
According to Apple executives, the iBreathe will go a long way toward freeing up users for other functions such as tantric meditation, skiing and yard work.
“We’re proud of this one,” said someone who used to work at Apple, “and hope that by next year we can address the human factor, which continues to get in the way of technology. In short, we hope to introduce earth shattering products that will allow people to live on the planet without minimal effort.
Gunnison was chosen due to a curious harmony that exists between gadgetry and the great outdoors. People here, according to Apple researchers remain transfixed in a sort of reality limbo where state-of-the-art mountain bikes easily blend with the hardware of tomorrow and the frightening software common to full screen mode. Hick tech with a bagel. It is a distinct scenario that exists in few locales.
“We expect to see people more relying on these sorts of products to get through the day,” said one local computer game standout. “If one grows tired of natural body functions he can flip a switch and the iBreathe will do these for him.
The iBreathe is guaranteed to allow those living off the grid to stay in touch and help develop the computer skills that will be mandatory down the road. Although many fear that the inability to digest the barrage of computer lingo will lead to social and economic disaster, Apple says affordability will win out in the end.
The iBreath costs under $400,000 and is guaranteed for the life of the user. The investment, continues Apple, is about that of an overpriced house in the suburbs.
“We can clearly see the day when everyone will adapt their lives to computers, and not the other way around,” said a press release received this afternoon.
Our source had no comment when asked if Apple had developed similar products for pets and houseplants.
– Susie Compost
Jack’s Cabin Librarian Accused of Grand Larceny
(Almont) A veteran librarian here has been accused of stealing more than $10,000 from the county. The missing funds were reported this morning by library examiners from Powderhorn.
“The missing cash was stored in three cellophane bags marked with an X, said one investigator. “Most is in the form of crisp $50 bills with assorted change totaling $10,346.93.”
Authorities ask that anyone with information on the location of the loot call Crime Shoppers or simply come forward. A small reward is offered.
“Hair is the first thing. And teeth the second. Hair and teeth. A man got those two things he’s got it all.” – James Brown (1933 – 2006)
VIDA, AMOR Y AREPAS EN LOS ANDES COLOMBIANOS VERDES
La próxima entrega de Amor y Antioquia, que ahora se presentará como una novela (el concepto de la función de juego no generó ningún interés). Pero antes de que me distraiga más de mi tarea inmediata, quiero recordarles que la palabra en español para el día es tierna, que significa tierno, y describe a mi compañero de viaje.
AREPA LOVE Todos los platos en Colombia cuentan con una gran (a veces pequeña) baba arepa desayuno, almuerzo y cena. Es un cruce entre un pan de maíz seco y una tortilla de maíz seca. Solo con mirar uno se sabe que produce algodón boreal. Creo que la gente los come porque siempre lo han hecho y sin ninguna otra buena razón. Pero ellos son tenaces. En su defensa, las arepas son amigas con huevos revueltos y queso, frijoles y arroz o sopa de papa y una ensalada.
RON ANTES DEL DESHONOR Al llegar al Café Latampa en el Jardín para mi café de la mañana, noté que mi amigo Alfonso estaba meticulosamente llenando un gran agujero con café molido de su operación. Lo vi terminar el trabajo y no dijo nada. Jardin se parece mucho a Ouray y actúa como Ridgway en los años 70. Salsa, Cumbia, Tango chirriando de las barras mezclándose involuntariamente con campanas de la iglesia y el clop de caballos sobre los adoquines. Vimos pocos gringos en las dos semanas que pasamos aquí. Incluso menos arriba de la ciudad donde nuestro hotel tenía una gran bañera y dos deliciosas trucherías (restaurantes de truchas) gobernaban el gallinero. Uno de estos restaurantes, Valdivia, presenta a un pastor social muy alemán en la puerta. La cultura es fuerte en Antioquia, aún no diluida por el turismo mundial, que ha afectado a otras ciudades en el llamado camino gringo. Cuanto mejor es tu español, mejor será tu visita.
MUCHO RUIDO ¿Sabías que el famoso cantante colombiano Alci Acosta perfeccionó sus habilidades vocales vendiendo chocolate en Riosucio? (Hogar de algunas de las aves más malas del mundo). Ahí es donde nos dirigimos a un camino de tierra de tres horas en la parte trasera de una chiva (una camioneta con cubiertas y asientos). Sería bueno tener un poco de silencio pero, de ninguna manera; Alguien enciende una estación de radio de voladura de Manizales. El ruido es definitivamente irritante en Colombia, pero afortunadamente trajé mi 5 x 8, super whambo 800-decibal Cerwin Vega alto veces (altavoces) para actuar como ecualizadores amplios.
