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WSCU Rated Number 3 Party School

Mid-Week Category

(Gunnison) Western State University of Colorado has been rated # 3 in a national poll focused on student behavior. The poll, centered on the mid-week party atmosphere rated Western higher than many larger institutions including the University of Colorado and the University of Wisconsin, two perennial standouts.

Finishing ahead of Western, one and two respectively, were Cal Amari University and Wabash Polygamy Institute. Last year’s winner Jerry Lewis College of Durango, did not do well, ending up at #103 due to a breakdown in communication between the administration and the faculty who failed to establish class attendance norms.

“When kids are expected to go to afternoon classes in the middle of the week the status of party school will undoubtedly suffer,” said Myrna Clocken, a fixture at the school since 1904. “Just wait,” she prodded. “Next year we’ll be back, especially if we can drop those bothersome math and science requirements.”

Plans to schedule all classes between 10 am and 11 am in 2023 should keep Western State at the top of the party heap. In addition a government decision to include alcohol on the list of items legally purchased with food stamps should have quite an impact too.

“Many Western State alumni will go on to fill important recreational positions in the real world after graduation,” said Dr. Efram Pennywhistle, a visiting lecturer in the Department of Social Chaos. “We want to give them the tools to succeed even if we have to stay up all night doing it.”

A short ceremony acknowledging the high ranking will take place at the Colorado School of Mimes football match-up in October.

– Sergio Jingles