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ALIEN VISIT TO OLATHE COVERED UP IN CORN
(Olathe) If indications are correct aliens stopped over in Olathe back in 1947, on their way from a previous New Mexico landing site to the First ever Heeny Tick Festival. If one talks to a cross-section of residents here he will be privy to an assortment of wild tales, reenactments and yes, denials.
One overall disadvantaged man told The Horseshoe that he spent a few days with the aliens and even taught them how to plant corn and survive the winter. Then, toward the end of November the aliens had him over for a turkey dinner. Another alleged witness to the visit says the aliens showed up at her wedding, brought her and husband Red a mighty fine toaster and then hit the trail.
“Delusions of this type are quite common within groups who once experienced relative peace and then, as if overnight, were wrestled to the ground by society, the system, television, general stress…whatever one wants to call it. In short, according to social scientists, the big bad beautiful world of high technology including visitors from another world) will not leave a stone unburned in its quest for control.” 1.
Although newspaper articles are sketchy, one piece, recorded in August of 1947, talks about “out-of-towners” and their obsession with Tin Woodsman looking scarecrows that were often used in the fields to save straw. The reported was shocked to catch the visitors hauling one of the tin scarecrows onto a small, circular craft that “didn’t look anything like a Chevy pickup”. The corn field crew then told him they were just souvenir hunters and then offered to compensate the scarecrow’s owner.
“I would have taken pictures and all but I was late to cover that week’s city council meeting where the proposed paving of Main Street was to be discussed,” said Melvin Toole, 78, of California Mesa. “That would be front page stuff.”
Scientists at NASA, speaking with the understanding that no one would take them seriously anyway, say they think the visitors were simply trying to retrieve one of their own. They quickly added that the “aliens” were probably a Mesa College fraternity from Grand Junction or possibly a 4-H group from over in the Beehive State.
According to an official release from the space agency, UFO watchers suffer from the Goldilocks Syndrome which, like the Peter Pan Parallel, has never been clearly defined by those who managed to coin the phrases.
“We have observed this kind of creeping neurosis in small towns before,” said Dr. Simon Lackluster, a psychologist/irrigation enthusiast from Pueblo Golf and Water World. “The treatment, although incredibly painful, can be effective. I myself rather enjoy it.”
Lackluster, who appeared at the closing ceremonies of last year’s Olathe Sweet Corn Festival in a red chiffon evening gown and matching shoulder holster, told reporters that he’s “seen it all” and that “his patients have had a far stronger affect on him than he has had on them.”
Many experts in the field of mass hysteria are convinced that it is too much idle time that causes this contagious condition. They feel that everyone should work two or three jobs to keep their minds off what is really going down on the planet. 2.
What may have caused these alleged visits is still unknown 50 years later. The aliens seemed to have been polite, clean and respectful to the elderly and didn’t leave anything behind to chronicle their stop.
“How can there be any question as to the validity to alien stopovers. Just look on the streets of our shabby little mountain towns in the summer,” said one resident. “Are you telling me these pigeons are from the same planet that I’m from? C’mon.”
One visit that can be confirmed was that of the late Soviet Premier Nikita Krushchev to the first Olathe Sweet Corn Festival, hosted in the 1950s by the Colorow Sugar Beet Consortium. This group, in an attempt to get the smell of sugar beets out of their nasal passages turned to sweet corn for relief. In accordance with the silliness they invited Krushchev to attend.
Nikita, as many of us still remember wanted to visit Disneyland in the worse way. His trek to Olathe may have been related to attempts to placate Washington. Unfortunately, it failed and World War III, as we all know, was the frightening result.
Anyway, Krushchev showed up one sunny morning, checked into the Potato Palace and emerged in a pair of baggy bermudas, white knee socks and wing-tips.
“He looked like a real turkey,” said Toole. “I couldn’t let him walk around like that so, telling him the festival was a formal affair, I gave him one of my newspaperman suits to wear. He never returned it.”
It was during that time that the Cold War was hot. Korea was raging, China and Russia were in bed down the hall, the New York Yankees were in their prime and Joseph McCarthy, a champion of the mindless right, was pointing the finger at political enemies like a proctologist on his fifteenth cup of coffee. One can only imagine McCarthy’s reaction to a communist in the wood pile at Olathe.
Calling farmers, Olathe, and sweet corn “soft on Communism” McCarthy effectively black listed the festival until his descent and subsequent death..
“Our corn ain’t soft on anything,” stressed Toole. “It’s tender.”
Despite the efforts of McCarthy and his storm troopers to sabotage the crop that year, the festival went off like a firecracker. Krushchev and his entourage had a great time and even brought home sweet corn seed which was later planted by slave labor in Siberia. Before his departure for the United Nations the Russian was give the keys to the city and in return he kissed some babies and waved from atop a 1936 Henway Concubine, a gift from the local Rotarians.
1. Atlas Shrugged by Ann Rand-McNally. Page 67.
2. The Idle Environment, by Melvin Toolini. Page 299
If anyone out there in robotland we wake onto, knows the whereabouts of Ambrose Bierce
please call Donald J Powers Jr., formerly of Silverton, Colorado.