All Entries Tagged With: "Montrose"

South Townsend Sprawl Brings New Trees

Man’s Triumph Over Nature

(Montrose) After quickly bulldozing the natural vegetation south of Montrose, developers here are promising to plant trees. The deforestation of the area close to the Uncompahgre River has been likened, on a smaller scale, to cut and burn tactics common to the Amazon Rain Forest where that precious habitat takes a second seat to progress.

“Those cottonwoods were in the way,” said Sissy Facelift, an already rich realtor from downtown Telluride. “Montrose needs a corridor of malls and fast food outlets and besides I need something to do, somewhere to turn my family inheritance into more money.”

The plowed under trees, destroyed to make room for more asphalt and big box stores, will reportedly be replaced by designer, self-contained, micro trees flown in from Aspen and Vail. The farmland, where cows once graced peacefully is being marketed as having excellent development potential.

“We’ve got beds to fill in Telluride and those old trees just didn’t project the image we’re looking for,” said the realtor. “Why is everyone so upset? We’re just trading one clump of trees for another more attractively landscaped expression.”

What seems particularly amusing/sick is that the sub-suburban culture so readily expressed here is without a viable urban center to support it. Critics feel that Montrose is well on its way to looking like every other suburb in the country without actually being a suburb of anything.

“It’s formula living at it’s finest,” said Facelift. “We hope to attract every chain store known to man. After that we’ll throw a second story on the whole project and leave town.”

And the real estate boom goes on and on. Just last month our Bureau of Land Management jumped into the circle selling some 140,000 roadless acres of undeveloped public land to oil and gas companies. , 20,000 of those now damned acres are located in Western Colorado. What a bargain for the special interests at the taxpayer’s expense. 

Oh well, who cares. Broncos season starts in August and my revolving credit line has been increased and maybe, if we all keep quiet and cooperate we’ll see lower gas prices down the road. – Rocky Flats