All Entries Tagged With: "mail service slows delivery of payments to creditors"

NEW MAIL SERVICE ESTABLISHED

(Silverton) An innovative mail service has been created here for people who absolutely do not want mail to get there overnight, according to postal officials.

Procrastination Parcel specializes in holding mail such as house payment checks, rent checks, utility payments and the like for up to three weeks, enabling the bumbler to cover his deadbeat posterior and not lose face with creditors or bounce checks.

“We’ve even lost mail for some of our patrons,” said Arlene Postino, inventor of the approach, “but that is only in extreme cases where bankruptcy or bodily threat is apparent.”

Other more positive mail such as bank deposits, personal letters and checks are generally forwarded at the regular time and are received in about two or three days said Postino.

Frustrating as the practice may be to collection agencies and debt services there is nothing illegal going on. Happy customers say it’s like dementia on amphetamines to the sender but more like credit on barbiturates to the receiving party.

“We asked the IRS, insurance companies and credit card concerns how they do it and they told us to proceed,” said Postino. “All of these agencies drag their butts when it comes to refunds and that’s really all we’re doing on a much smaller scale.”

Postino suggests that negatively affected parties look into suing someone or another, and refrain from calling her at home after lunch.

A sister program aimed at people who do not wish to receive mail is in the works as are space ship tours of Mars, global diaspora and a fix for the Mideast.

– Oral Waters