All Entries Tagged With: "hunter’ssafety for the wierd"
YOU SO SMART HERD QUIZ
Answer the following questions to the best of your agility.
1. Who holds the current record for does batted in over in the old mule league?
a. Vinny Venison
b. John Doe
c. Bucky Horne
d. Pearl S. Buck
2. Considering the veritable smorgasbord of knee surgeons and sports medicine experts in the Gunnison Valley why does it take so long to get an elk processed here?
3. When is a moose not an elk?
a. When he’s in a rut.
b. On a full moon
c. When he/she wanders above timberline
d. In venison years or moose years?
4 If you get lost in the woods while hunting you should…
a. Call 911 for help on your cell phone.
b. Throw down your weapon and surrender to the nearest chipmunk
c. Follow the rivers and streams until you hit Utah or Nevada
d. Finish last night’s elk chili and send up an organic flare
5. A taxidermist is someone who
a. drives a cab with a skin disorder
b. is employed by the IRS
c. mounts wild animals
d. cosmetically stuffs, grooms and manicures dead animals
6. Do wapiti have souls? What about politicians?
7. How do the deer and elk know it’s opening day?
a. Be perusing magazine articles in Field and Spleen
b. Alternative radio
c. By the smell of burnt beans in the woods
d. The DOW routinely posts the announcement on the aspen trees
8. The GNP of Colorado is composed of:
a.) sugar beets, water, lumber and bad Western art
b.) water, former governors, cowboy poetry and recycled clothing
c.) venison, ditch water, maize, jalapenos
d. waferboard, chuckholes, sorghum, molybdenum
9. The town of Telluride was first called:
a. Ajax City
b. Colorow
c. Bear Creek
d. Columbia
10. The Big Mine in Crested Butte produced:
a. molybdenum
b. Croatians
c. frankincense
d. wool
e. coal
11. What common herd animal is most likely to dart in front of your vehicle at dawn and again at dusk?
a. Bighorn Sheep
b. Long distance telephone company solicitor
c Rocky Mountain Goat
d. Mule Deer
12. How long does it take and how much money does it cost to become a local in most Colorado ski towns?
13. According to leading nutritionists what is the best thing to feed your cowboy boots before the hunt?
14. Which of the following species will travel up to 3 miles for fresh blood?
a. Lawyer
b. Realtor
c. Publisher
d. Mosquito
15. Mule deer
a. are generally smarter than chunks of rock that have fallen onto the highway
b. are often Cub fans despite the fact that they know better
c. have no gall bladders
d. hate leash laws even though they don’t tend to keep pets
16. Which of the following best illustrates your personal hunting code?
a. Just live and let live, then come Friday night, really live
b. I know the license is expensive, my four-wheel-drive truck uses a lot of gas, I hate to camp in the snow and the gear ain’t cheap but sooner or later I’m bound to get that dream shot
c. Shoot first and ask questions later
d. Great shot! Now let’s get these roasts onto a plate with potatoes and carrots
17. Name your favorite herd personality
a. Bambi
b. Rudolph
c. the boys at the Elks Club
d. Moosehead Beer
e. Any one of the delegates to a national political convention
