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Deadline for hibernation permits draws near

(Bland Valley) Residents who wish to hibernate this winter have until Thursday to obtain official Colorado Hibernation Permits. The procedure is simple enough, as applicants must only stop by the nearest Division of Caves and Bunkers office to pick up the needed forms.

“We have begun to closely monitor hibernation since more and more people have expressed interest in this winter diversion,” said Melvin Bedwetter Toole, Director of Latent Dormancy for the Western Slope.   

“This, combined with the population explosion here, has made cave space a premium and has threatened to disrupt the peace and quiet enjoyed for centuries by innocent fur-bearing animals.”

In addition to a small handling fee, persons wishing to enter this torpid state must also undergo a hibernation safety course, which is offered on Saturdays until January. The cost of the class is $125.

“In effect, this is an extended deadline,” smiled someone familiar with these kinds of things, “and we hope participants will be kind to our clerks when registering. We know you’re tired but getting testy with our people will only make matters worse.”

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