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Vatican Pulls Rug Out On Quasi-Sainted Gibbon

(Oldtowne Wazoo) When Betsy the gibbon turned up pregnant nobody was talking. She had been in the seclusion of her cage for months with no contact with male gibbons, or so it was surmised.

Yet she was with ape…An immaculate conception? A virgin birth? A miracle? Rome first said yes, but now it is backpedaling on the blessed designation since it appears that her neighbor, Roscoe, (aka the Milkman) had access through a small hole between their cages.

“That Roscoe is quite the rascal, heh,” asked one zookeeper beaming with pride at the virility of his charge. “The 34-year-old primate sure showed his stuff.”

Zoological sources told The Horseshoe that the adjacent cages (apartamamus gibbonos) were thought to be secure, adding that the expected offspring was an excellent turn of events since gibbons are endangered.

“These things happen,” said one veterinarian. “After all, they lounged around every day doing nothing and in scent of each other. That would make anyone horny.”

Officials here say they plan to call the new gibbon Gibson.

-Melvin Toolini

“Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand.”   – Mark Twain