Musings on the Furry Unpredictable Bruin

“I want to be accepted as a bear by bears for just one night this fall. That’s my autumn fantasy. Here are the best daydreams, reveries and delusional suggestions from readers as well as a slew of keen observations from people out wandering around in the forest. Guidance, respect and caution blend to present the solicitor and the animal in the best light

One must adhere to eating habits to fit in with the sleuth. – If you want to fit in you must eat maggots and an occasional cow carcass (buried for at least aa week. On the more pleasant side of the culinary adventure try salmon eyes or fresh honey.

The smell. You have to take on that smell. That bear scent or you’re sure to be noticed by the offensive human aroma, if not spotted and possibly eaten on the spot.

“He/she is a bear in the morning.”  When a person os difficult right out of bed and sometimes until lunch. Bears are bears 24/7 and are larger and stronger than you.

I don’t know about your wishes but I do know it’s bear safety rhyme “If it’s brown, lay down. If it’s black, fight back. If it’s white, goodnight” sounds like good advice.

Bear are vegetarians. Bear are always hungry. You decide.

“Men are bears with furniture.” – Rita Rudner

In Medellin, Antioquia they say “Que oso!” What a bear…which translates as how bad or embarrassing…

Origin of Teddy bear: Teddy Roosevelt is not cuddly in the least and is a loud mouth which will undoubtedly interrupt one’s sleep. 

In 1976 Melvin B. Toole spent the entire winter in a cave near Sultan Peak to simulate the overall effects of hibernation. Grew fur. He had little tech advantage just notes and pencils. Fell asleep. Taught some wandering Dahl sheep how to start a campfire.

Hibernation sucks! Say younger cubs.

Learn bear etiquette. There have been a barrage of new books on this very subject as humans attempt to compete with AI and simultaneously out of other ideas.

Bear suits don’t work unless you want to be on such screen gems as I Love Lucy or Gentle Ben. Remember the cameo of the bear in The Shining?

Denver Bears makes some sense, but Baylor Bears – why? Bruins, Grizzlies, Chicago Bears ad nauseam.

Never ever carry bear spray. If they (the bears) find it on you you are as good as toast.

– Uncle Pahgre