Interview with Muffy Hollandaise

Ms. Hollandaise, outspoken on everything from leash laws to HIV, lives in her condominium purchased with McDonald-Douglas stock. Although a flame-throwing liberal she supports Israel and thinks the guys and gals down at the World Bank would be fun on a date. We caught up to her in the Montrose Wal-Mart parking lot.

Horseshoe: Good day. I see that you like Taco Bell. You have lived in Western Colorado for almost a year. What do you think of all sprawl south of Montrose?

Muffy: I live in Telluride.

Horseshoe: That’s nice. You wear your activism well. Do you think there is any solution to global warming?

Muffy: I live in Telluride.

Horseshoe: Yeah but it’s part of the greater whole. Are you afraid of terrorists?

Muffy: I live in Telluride.

Horseshoe: What about the trade deficit and the growing competition with China?

Muffy: I live in Telluride.

Horseshoe: Where is China?

Muffy: I live in Telluride.

Horseshoe: What about the war in Gaza, the private contractor abuses, the costs of maintaining an army in Nigeria and the perception of the Arab people as to our goals in the Mideast?

Muffy: I live in Telluride.

Horseshoe: What about the movement in South America to rid themselves of World Bank and IMF extortion on that continent?

Muffy:” I live in Telluride.

Horseshoe: Who will win the Democratic nomination for President?

Muffy: I live in Telluride.

Horseshoe: Do you think the US needs a firm policy concerning illegal aliens coming into the country?

Muffy: I live in Telluride.

Horseshoe: Are there UFOs flying around up there?

Muffy: I live in Telluride.

Horseshoe: Is the world coming to an end?

Muffy: I live in Telluride.

Horseshoe: What about all of the starving people all over the planet?

Muffy: I live in Telluride.

Horseshoe: What would you do if your bank burned down?

Muffy: I live in Telluride.

Horseshoe: What if Sawpit was washed away in a flood?

Muffy: I live in Telluride.

Horseshoe: What if someone developed a feedlot adjacent to the Valley Floor and established a tuna canning plant on Bear Creek?

Muffy: I live in Telluride.

Horseshoe: What do you do to make the world a better place?

Muffy: I live in Telluride.

Horseshoe: What if, all of a sudden there was no more gasoline to buy?

Muffy: I live in Telluride.

Horseshoe: What about the prospect of total annihilation due to nuclear warfare or an accident like Three Mile Island or Chernobyl?

Muffy: I live in Telluride

Horseshoe: Where do you live?

Muffy: I beg your pardon. That’s getting very personal.

-Melvin Bedwetter Toole

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