Rocky Relief staff qualifies for assisted living

(Denver) The 2026 Colorado Rockies relief pitching rank and file has patently approved for assisted living in 2027.

The operational status of the program which has morphed from the infield fly rule, clearly calls for players to inhabit barracks with one bathroom from February to October with no exceptions for body odor or tardiness.

The idea is for the staff to suffer collectively after blowing games. Emotional trauma spent , the alleged pitchers will then receive one on one counseling and low voltage shock treatments.

“Whether we will have the same work force next year is hard to say now but considering the past decade we are not overwhelmed with guesswork, said a former second base coach.

The exact location of the accommodation has remained a secret as a safety precaution and precedence will remain secure even during spring training.

-Gabby Haze