Friends of Earwigs Given Charter Here

(Montrose) The national lobbyist contingent Friends of Earwigs has been granted a 100 year charter here it was announced yesterday. The insect advocate group, known for protecting cockroaches, dust mites, wood ticks and deer flies all over the Rockies, plans an open house in September so as to explain its position.

     “Earwigs are harmless, cute, even beneficial and can make great pets,” says Melvin O’Toole, president of the local chapter. “They eat next to nothing, are for the most part non-drinkers, don’t need much exercise and, if you go out of town for a week or so they can get on nicely without you.”

     According to the group inborn fears of earwigs crawling up into the inner ear of humans and laying eggs is nothing but evil slander.

     “Cases of infestation are as rare as wolf attacks. People just need enemies and don’t care for animals species that scurry away when one discovers them under a rock or turns on the lights,” he said.

     Along with earwigs the executive committee is considering the inclusion of box elders and fleas on their stepped-on endangered species list.

     “We’ve got lost of needy box elders but we’d probably have to import fleas to the high country to protect them,” stressed O’ Toole.

     An Adopt-an-Earwig campaign is expected by next summer.