Child-Proof Condoms Approved by Feds

Doctors at St Roscoe’s Community Clinic say that a host of federal agencies have given final approval to a new breed of child-proof condoms that are set for release this week. The breakthrough product is expected to revolutionize irresponsible sex and could be a major bone of contention with population peacocks and reproduction power brokers.

The OK came despite the rantings of consumer groups which say the condoms are still often too difficult to negotiate in the dark. One proponent of the commodity praised “the progressive nature of these developments” adding that it was about time we did something to protect our children from potentially dangerous technology.

These safer condoms are expected to be available in drugstores and groceries soon. They will be packaged in discreet brown paper so as to not cause suspicion. Buyers should expect to show appropriate identification upon purchase.