All Entries in the "Lifestyles at Risk" Category
Border Squabble on Pot Provokes Dry Response
A legal row over what may or may not constitute pot smuggling continues to plague border relations with four neighboring states says the Colorado State Accounting Office.
In a joint response to old antagonisms, bad knees and new jealousies state fiscal sources chided Kansas and Nebraska regarding claims that small amounts of Colorado marijuana has been seized within state borders. Pot is illegal in these and many other states that are clearly engulfed in a meth epidemic.
“We puff legally and it doesn’t appear to be hurting anyone,” said a spokesman for the well-healed revenue department in Denver. “Here in the Treasurer’s Office we tend to see things through a more monetary framework but there’s more going on here than tax collection.”
The spokesperson acknowledged that Colorado too has problems with hard drug use but that the situation has been tempered by taking marijuana off the illicit drug list.
“Our legal system seems to be working with minimal issues. Maybe these folks should get on board,” said the source.
“Squabble over our pot industry and we’ll cut off your water,” smiled Colorado State Treasurer pro tem, Pamela Puff. “Further legal action on the part of neighboring states may provoke a sanctions against Utah and Wyoming, she threatened.”
Experts agree that levying sanctions on an inter-state basis has no precedence in the Rockies and that it is probably not a binding or even legitimate approach to the current feuds.
“Tariffs and dry ditches will get the attention of these blue noses, long before these petty lawsuits grace the courtroom.” added Puff.
– Atila Diggins
Russian Robots Laying Mag Chloride
Teams of Russian robots, dressed like county highway workers are coating local roads with magnesium chloride in a vain attempt to thwart US elections in November of 2020.
Will He Hack Elections in November? Photos secretly shot through a telex-burger lens show aliens like the one above dressed as highway workers along remote desert highways and shady lanes on the wrong side of the Tar Baby. Unsuspecting motorists are often swallowed up by the goo, sucked into the landscape and never heard from again.
Ballot box officials confirmed that the Bots are in country and busily building networks and cells aimed at derailing the shadows of democracy still left in the country.
“These are not your run-of-the-mill Russian robots,” said Clarabelle Ptarmigan, a grizzled uranium cork-and- grinder who lives along Highway 90 near the divide Road on the Uncompahgre Plateau.
“These are zombies. They have been lobotomized in Russian and sent here to disrupt our national infrastructure. They stare at passing motorists with a blank look, deprived of any real human contact,” she stressed. “They stare at trees. They stare at rocks for hours on end.”
Also called Make America Great Chloride, the chemical is used to keep dust levels down to the detriment of roadside trees and automotive vehicles that suffer almost immediate rust-like damage when caked with the it.
“The mag-chloride is only a diversion to keep us distracted while the vile business of computer hacking and social division goes on,” said Ptarmigan.
Will He Hack Elections in November?
Photos secretly shot through a telex-burger lens show aliens like the one above dressed as highway workers along remote desert highways and shady lanes on the wrong side of the Tar Baby. Unsuspecting motorists are often swallowed up by the goo, sucked into the landscape and never heard from again.
Do Rios Golf Club – 18 Holes of Summer Heaven
Al, Brian and Dylan welcome you to Dos Rios Golf Club in Gunnison, a beautiful, challenging course on the river. Great people, great food and great weather. Call 970-641-1482 for a tee time.
Guest Ghost Graces Gunnison for Rodeo
(Gunnison) His spirit will move you or at least get you ready for Cattlemen’s Days, July 12 -1 4. Yes, Tom Mix is back again and expected to participate (as much as a ghost can take part) in this year’s rodeo. The revelry has been going on since 1900 and Mix has been stopping in since the early 50s according to local lore (and maybe a bit more).
The PCA contest, held in this pristine Western Colorado town, offers the perfect venue for summer nights. There’s bull riding, bronc riding, barrel racing and an uninvited, yet welcome, guest who comes every year to see what’s going on in Gunnison.
It’s the ghost of cowboy movie star, Tom Mix and his horse Tony, who visits Gunnison each year from the Great Beyond to catch a little rodeo. He says it’s good for the blood and what keeps him coming back for more. Readers will recall Mix as the star of the Westerns in the early days of film. The good guy-bad guy plots and the rough mountain scenery were trademarks of the time and Mix was at the top of an impressive assortment of cowboys, saloon hall girls, gunfighters, sheriffs, chiefs, school marms and outlaws galore. The movie goers couldn’t get enough.
Although it appears Mix has no strict agenda fans might likely get a glimpse of him early in the morning at the site of the former Cattlemen Inn, his favorite local lodging and at lunch at Palisades. Later as the rodeo gets going Tom can be observed in the stands or near the entrance watching the rodeo and smiling. As darkness falls the ghost ventures further and joins in at after-rodeo festivities.
“That’s when he really comes out,” said Maryanne Gillhooley, Gunnison County historian and professor of genetics at Western State University. “People see just a silhouette or get a sniff of his cigar. Sometimes they see him riding Tony out into the dense forest or the massive sage lands.”
-Filliebuster
Big Boxes Want Cut of Beggars’ Take
(Montrose) Chain stories selling everything from boom boxes to burgers want a piece of the action. Everyday the managers of these Orwellian robot bazaars watch rough-looking, often dirty panhandlers pocket coin and currency right there on their font steps.
In small increments these no-overhead ragamuffins beat the carpet for enough to make it worth their while. Who knows what they gather in eight hours. Is it more than minimum wage? Are they legit or are they in costume? Is the veteran getting support? I thought the economy was booming, at least over on Wall Street.
Now the big boys want their cut. The word’s come down from the bullet-proof corporate offices that the stock holders are grumbling about lost revenue and potential profit marginalized by the presence of the distractions on the corner.
“We have expenses too and you are not paying the power bill,” said the night manager at one of 200 fast food franchises that pockmark the south end of the city. “These people are parasites who put in nothing and expect a lot in return. They sit there all days often with their dogs and look hungry and miserable. I bet they go through the dumpsters after I close.”
Meanwhile in front of Wal-Mart, Denny’s, City Market, Home Depot the same ancient alms mantra stretches out a desperate hand. “Homeless-Need Food”, Vet Needs Gas Money” “Single Mom Needs Groceries”. Never used to see any beggars before and nobody had a lot of money then either. What changed?
Whether the multi-nationals will succeed in wringing a few dollars from the tattered trousers of a few unfortunates is yet to be determined. One left-wing politician favors the immediate hiring all of these sullied solicitors at the city and county while a right-wing politician says “petitioning vagabonds” should be removed to a spot out in the desert where people who wanted to give donation could easily visit them.
In 2017 the City of Montrose banned panhandling in Zona Rosa, the glitzy uptown tree-lined blocks set aside for tourists and the wealthy. Since then the under-the-bridge brigade has descended on the culturally significant strip like camp followers or side show curiosities, engaging in the world’s second oldest profession.
Marketing whizzes in several mega-corps, engaged in the heist of the beggar’s gold, have released an overnight campaign aimed at convincing the public that they are really nice and all. Some are paying bonus points to beggars.
Several have promised to give back up to 10% of their profits to feed the homeless. Some are searching for future CEOs amid the rabble and the disenfranchised.
– Susie Compost
