BEER TRUCKS IN FENDER BENDER

Local council declares a bank holiday so locals get to slurp.

(Montrose) Two large semis filled with cold beer collided today in a minor accident at the corner of Main and Townsend here. The trucks spewed some 2300 gallons of the hoppy nectar up and down the street.

     “It was a living hell,” said one unnamed bar patron, who had only minutes ago left LeCave for an afternoon walk.

     At the high point there was an estimated four foot wall of beer charging down Main Street toward City Hall. Fortunately, a contingent of courageous local citizens was there to turn it back.

     “For a while there it looked like we were going to be overrun,” burped another anonymous source.

     Officers on the scene, unable to determine fault, called the wreck a draw as city crews began the final mop up.

     The mishap was the worst of its kind since 1945, when a turboprop henway, caught in a hail storm, inadvertently dropped some 30 bags of gold dust onto the town. Luckily there were no direct hits and no injuries. The gold was never recovered. Authorities believe it is still somewhere between Hadley’s, the Stockmen’s Cafe and the Chipeta Hotel Bar. Anyone with information about the whereabouts of the loot is asked to call Crime Stoppers after happy hour.

-Pepper Salte