HORSESHOE ANNIVERSARY PARTY A BARN BURNER

(Denver-on-Fyre) The San Juan Horseshoe’s 50th Anniversary celebration was held at the elegant Brown Palace Hotel here on July 3. Invited guests, important advertisers and the paper’s staff made the trek over the Continental Divide for this landmark occasion. The evening’s international fare, served up in crystal goblets by candlelight included French champagne, Russian caviar, Swedish meatballs, Irish whiskey, Italian ice, Colorado beef, Japanese sushi, Colombian coffee, English muffins and Canadian bacon. It was enjoyed by all. The music was provided by ZZ Top, The Wolftones and the Pea Green Contemporary & Light Orchestra, Herman Dinges, director.

     Sadly, the black tie affair was interrupted repeatedly by unknown parties claiming that they should have received an invitation to the festivities. Bouncers, appearing out of nowhere, threw the malcontents out into the damp, dreary streets of the Mile High City and returned to their posts for dessert.

     A host of celebrities, arriving from as far away as Aspen, Adelaide and the Canary Islands were paraded around for all to see and then shoved out the back door via the hotel kitchen.

     Publisher Kashmir Horseshoe apologized to anyone who was not in attendance saying that budget cuts and pecuniary considerations prevented the paper from inviting plebeian elements to the affair. He promised that a kegger would be held for the great unwashed at a local Grange hall sometime after hunting season.

 -Small Mouth Bess

“All murderers shall be punished, unless of course they kill in large numbers, to the sound of trumpets. – Voltaire