Written Language May Have Existed As Early As 1955

(Santa Barbara, CA — January 19, 2016)

Brittle tablets discovered in the backseat of a Mercury Montclair convertible here have forced scientists to rethink current theories regarding the origin of a written language in the Western Hemisphere.

The “ancient” tablets , generously endowed with duck-tail hieroglyphics and emblazoned with a stark Big Chief Mark of the Ages were signed, perhaps by a tribal chieftain or medicine man say anthropologists.

“The halting signatures all match and after through examination the littles form the name Little Richard,”said Dr. Norman Normal of Cal Amari’s quasi-astute Department of Small Talk and Meaningless Rants. “We do not know any more at this time.

One of the more interesting pictographs etched onto the dashboard of the Mercury depicts the tumultuous relationship between a supposed king, named Ward and his queen named June. The two are up and down in love but both could, it seems, write a compound sentence and were familiar with diphthongs and primitive innuendo.

“The most startling drawing exposes the two with several male off-spring monkeying with a hood latch of some kind of transportation device. Ward is instructing. He is smiling. He has fixed the problem like always,” cried Normal. “What else could this mean?”

Scientists are at odds as to any further literal translation of this Little Richard’s grim forecast for the auto industry although many feel it is a warning that a corpulent and wasteful society would rise and fall “before the generic automobile would reign…this time for 400 years.”

“What else could it mean?” echoed Normal.

The remaining six tablets turn away from mechanics altogether, preoccupied with Tutti-Frutti, believed to be the Lesser Goddess of the Automatic Choke and Patron of Worthless Glove Compartment Manuals.

– Gabby Haze

Filed Under: Lifestyles at Risk


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