US Out of Bombs

(Cheyenne Mountain  —  Refried News  —  January 12, 2016)

In a surprising and somewhat embarrassing news release, the United States gov’ment announced today that it is out of bombs. Although nobody in purchasing has taken responsibility for the depletion of the said weaponry, the inexcusable oversight has been classified as a Level One Security Breach (Official Color Code unavailable) and will be seriously investigated by bureaucrats standing around with their hands in their pockets.

Sources at NORAD say the snafu was not linked to terrorist activity.

“Heads will roll,” stammered one official wearing a bright blue hat designating an upper position in the chain of command.

At present the shortage has been racked up to operator error that bodes unfavorably to the other hierarchies involved in manufacturing, storing and delivery of arsenal inventories all over the globe.

“Clearly someone has failed to communicate or to fill out a simple reorder form,” said the blue hat.

Another chief, this one with green hat, blamed the people in red hats down at production and the yellow hats in shipping. The blue hat was not amused by this buck passing and wondered aloud who else was not paying sufficient attention to the matters of weapons of mass destruction.

“We’re not playing marbles here,” quipped the blue hat. “Someone is in hot water and we will get to the bottom of the gross failure in security system,” he said. “We need to know how far these miscalculations extend and who is not following up on procedures.”

NORAD officials admitted that the gov’emt has been dropping bombs “at a frantic pace” on radical groups in Iraq and Syria, and that stockpiles run the risk of depletion. Estimates suggest that one bomb has been dropped for every 3 ISIS fighters on the ground with less than sparkling results.

“This a more serious security breakdown than all the hacking and undetected messaging among terrorist groups since the beginning of the Syrian civil war,” said the source. “We’ve had some people out on vacation but this is becoming ridiculous.”

– Susie Compost