Too Much Bass Bad For Dentures

(Colona) Denture wearers may be at extreme risk when subjected to low-pitched tones or vibrations common to boom boxes and jacked-up automobile stereos. According to leading consumer groups regular exposure to loud, pounding bass waves are not only tedious and unsettling to the ears but can also cause rapid deterioration and rejection of dentures, or false teeth as they are more commonly known.

According to the experts, no matter how well a set of dentures fits the mouth, bass decibels will have adverse affects in up to 91% of examined occurrences. In some rare cases dentists have found that dentures become unattached after only one short tune. Generally it takes repetition and continued exposure to these kinds of sounds but the results are almost always the same.

“We particularly want to warn grandparents driving with their grandchildren,” said Suzie Compost, a denture wearer turned activist after her dentures flew out of a Henway convertible blasting a booming rap concoction. We were just driving along when I felt my dentures loosen and break loose. Before I could react they were gone. It was akin to losing a straw hat on a roller coaster”

According to other motorists the badly battered uppers skidded off a windshield, crashed into a light pole and slammed into the pavement before being retrieved from a ditch. The  lowers have yet to be recovered.

Even people possessing their original chompers can be victimized by the pounding bass according to experts who say that none of the senses are equipped to handle the onslaught.

“Fortunately most denture wearers are older and do not see the benefits of this musical expression,” added Compost.

Despite extensive studies the impact of digital beeps on dentures was inconclusive at press time.

-Dolores Feliz-Alegria