RSSAll Entries Tagged With: "Walking upright is culprit in back issues"

You and Your Back

By Dr. Simon P. Lackluster, M.D.

One of the nations most frequent medical complaints is the common backache. Throughout history, this one malady has had more conjecture as to its’ cause than almost any other problem to cross a practitioners desk. Reasons include lifting wrong, strain, incorrect bending, twisting and a myriad of other possibilities. The common layman must think the profession has been sorely lacking in its’ methods of determining the acts which bring backache on.

Recent new research into this area, however, has convinced a large number of doctors that the true reason is more closely akin to posture than any other.

Studies just completed by the renown Dr. Slipp-Arse and Professor McDisque, of the prestigious Cal-Polygamy Instant Toot, indicate that the major source of back trouble is due to man’s curious, and often arrogant habit of walking upright. As proof they point out that snakes and alligators never have back complaints, and with their elongated spinal cords it would seem to be a common occurrence. However, they point out, these animals never walk upright.

Furthermore, in thousands of interviews throughout the country they never heard of one normally born child complaining of back ailments until after they had learned to walk.

While it is probably too late for you, the reader, to take advantage of this discovery,  it is not too late for you unborn progeny. To save them from this cruel fate, NEVER TEACH YOUR CHILDREN TO WALK!

-Donald J. Powers, aka The Phantom