RSSAll Entries Tagged With: "Wakonda"

Solar Energy Spill Cripples Pacific Coast

Solar Energy Spill Cripples Pacific Coast

(Waldport, OR) Still sketchy reports describe a massacre of petroleum proportions when a hoard of generally docile windmills, ambivalent as to the black and white of their very existence, revolted against overseers and finally the entire coastal garrison, blowing several pipers and a drummer boy into faraway Utah.

Police have cordoned off parts of the Alsea River and beaches from Yachats to Wakonda in apprehension of followup tremors and possible jerkquakes and sandslides. Tourists are urged to wear lots of sunscreen, and stay in the town’s many bars until the system passes into the interior. Crabs are encouraged to come out of their shells only after dark. Consuming massive quantities of bluegill and crappie has been lauded as the most responsible response at this time.

The spill will take the snap of a finger and no money to clean up.

Area affected by solar spill

“We’ve warned the American people of these kinds of disasters if we fall away from our dependence on fossil fuels, meat and broken promises,” said one former congressman now a lobbyist for two oil conglomerates (or is it three?).

Speaking under the duplicitous veil of anonymity, the source added that he had “three or four Congressmen and one Senator in his back pocket and was expecting a little more action since the bank has “now reopened”. 

“If this keeps up I’m gonna have to get more pockets,” he laughed.

 – Pepper Salte

“We hauled these marmots in here!”

– Melvin Bedwetter Toole, 1977