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Do Putin Blinis Signal Warming with Biden Administration?

(Moscow) A dozen gourmet blinis addressed to the White House arrived this morning accompanied by a congratulatory card from Russian President Vladimir Putin.

Are they just a simple gift or is there a hidden agenda? Regardless, officials in Washington are playing it cautiously, sending a generic thank you card back to Red Square and eating the treats.

Many see the gift as simply a friendly gesture, an attempt to put diplomatic niceties on a more personal level. Others perceive the blinis as the first step in thawing out the damaged relationship between two of the world’s superpowers.

“These are the real thing,” said a Russian ex-pat who owns a bakery in nearby Pikeville, Maryland. These are St. Petersburg blinis renown as the finest, even by people in Moscow. This is like a Nathan’s at Coney Island, a Po’ Boy on Bienville Street or clam chowder at Fisherman’s Wharf.”

Not to be confused with blintzes, (Jewish cigar-shaped pancakes) blinis have been enjoyed in Russia since Sviatopolk the Cursed. They are not new to America, having been confiscated from the mail during attempts to sabotage the US Postal Service prior to the presidential election in 2020. 

It is not known how or if President Biden will respond but insiders say he is planning to invite the Russian leader for a tour of national parks and a ball game at Coors Field in Denver. The two met in Colorado years ago, on a wild asparagus safari, when Biden was a congressman.

His journey to the United States as a front man for Russian vodka was kept under wraps over security concerns and copyright infringements. At the time he was acting in a support function as prime minister. In reality, Putin has been running the Kremlin sideshow since 1999. 

Despite all the heralded friendship Putin managed only to fax Trump a bowl of tepid borscht that was mistaken by White House security to be “vegetable in nature” and destroyed. 

“The only vegetable we need around here is out in the Rose Garden,” one since dismissed security officer was overheard to say.

“The expense incurred was quite substantial with the blinis,” continued the Pikeville baker. Overnight from St. Petersburg is not cheap. “Putin is known to be tight with his money. We call him skryaga, but not to his face. Recipients of his Bolshevik generosity couldn’t even fill a tiny gulag cabin in Yakutsk.

Former President George W. Bush got invited to the Georgian Black Sea resort of Batumi and Putin reputedly sent a box of cigars to then President Bill Clinton in 1998.

– Opal Ebilskivers