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Trump Silver Spoon Brings a Paltry $60 on eBay

A local supporter has acquired a silver spoon once belonging to Donald Trump, for the surprising sum of $60. Whether it is the silver spoon is unclear since the former President reputedly had many of the utensils at his disposal during formative years in Manhattan.

The spoon was sold on eBay after early bids failed to reach expectations of the seller, who wished to remain anonymous. Late bids never materialized at all shedding light on the future sales of personal artifacts by the Trump clan.

Daughter Ivanka Trump, named after a relative of Vladimir Putin, is under investigation for attempting to unload 12 gold candle sticks from the Jefferson White House and a set of Nicaraguan wind chimes bequeathed by the Reagans to the nation in 1988. She has denied all wrongdoing. Several of her siblings have allegedly been active in the recreational shoplifting culture but this is the first time the feds have been snooping.

“This is different than selling baseball bats and autographs,” said a federal agency briefing this morning. “Pilfering and outright theft are the same thing. Both are felonies, especially when lifting priceless artifacts and pieces of Americana,” it said.

“We have talked to a menagerie of former White House personnel but at the present time no one has been indicted,” stressed one district attorney overseeing the case.

The spoon, called a pewter pouter by adversaries reminds us that Trump was born rich. “He didn’t earn much of it. He is a narcissistic, dishonest, petty and pitiful businessman and was President of the United States for four long years. During that time, he did irreparable damage to the very people that support him. It’s June and they still don’t get it.

-Tommy Middlefinger