All Entries Tagged With: "Trump"
All in one bitter pill to swallow
In our frustrated and often impossible attempts to avoid giving attention to bad children, we have clumped together an offscouring of observations about the man who would be king. We promise to limit mention of this situation for at least the week.
tRUMP SOUL SNATCHERS BUSY TRYING TO OUT-PIG* EACH OTHER
(Whiteyville) trump policies are flat out empty, like hollow bottles of Jim Beam at the dump. His constant lies, which kill innocent people in “shit holes” all over the world are a fine blend of arrogance, racism and incompetence. He has surrounded himself with sadists and psychopaths who have not a clue. His policies are dictated by the last person who held his attention. How long before these victims and their families forgive the US? Decades? Maybe if we just send them some cash they’ll shut up.
SICK OF SEEING HEADLINES THAT START WITH tRUMP
From now on we will refer to the President as Humpty as in Humpty Dumpty had a great fall…”Also we will use small t when referring to any bloated narcissists and autocratic child molesters that are mentioned in these dispatches. Most fascist regimes love to use the magic word terrorist to condone and justify violence against anyone who gets in their way. trump’s friends, the illegitimate Israeli settlers on West Bank are the real terrorists. How can Israelis dwell on victimhood and kill other Semitic peoples so indiscriminately? (Oh sorry to bust lingering bubbles but Palestinians are Semitic, as was Jesus Christ, albeit of the Jewish variety. He never demolished the houses of his neighbors, even them Hummus type sons-a-bitches).
trump Security Advisor Steven “America for Americans” Miller
is in fact the spawn of Eastern European Jews, yet he detests immigrants. It all began at the turn of the 20th century, in a dirt-floor shack in the village of Antopol, a shtetl of subsistence farmers in what is now Belarus. Beset by violent anti-Jewish pogroms and forced childhood conscription in the Czar’s army, the patriarch of the shack, Wolf-Leib Glosser, fled a village where his forebears had lived for centuries and took his chances in America. (After several generation little Steven popped out.
Pro wrestling bouts on the way at trump-Kennedy? To replace sissy art say MAGA toadies
Empty seats are like an empty promises. Many artists plan to continue the boycott. Will they end up in El Salvadoran prisons too?
tRUMP IS AGENT ORANGE SAYS RUSSIAN DEFECTOR
“Just color your hair and you too can inherit millions from the father who never said,” I love you Donald”
Some of you remember Hair, the musical wizardry weaving of every last crumb and nuance of the hippie subculture of the 60s? In 2026 we have a 5th Columnist President with orange hair who thinks he too is a genius (see dunning-kruger effect). Remember: Many Italian voters loved Mussolini at first until the things went to hell in a Sicilian donkey cart.Is trump hobbling the nation in preparation for hostile takeover. A 5th Columnist? The Manchurian Candidate? A billionaire Bolshevik yet to come out of the closet? Question:Was the US safer and better equipped to deal with global diplomacy, even with Joe Biden asleep at the wheel, than with a beached whale at the helm?
Tom Homan’s Christmas Special will grace new w-house ballroom in Spring.
Popular tunes include “How to slither and take a bribe on camera and still keep your job”, “Why him not in the calaboose?” And “I may be ugly but I just deposited $50,000”
“Though I tend to think it’s usually a waste of space to devote a column to President Trump’s personality — what more is there to say about the character of this petty, hollow, squalid, overstuffed man? — sometimes the point bears stressing: We are led by the most loathsome human being ever to occupy the White House.”
-Bret Stephens, an American conservative columnist.writing in The NY Times
*(Ed note: Out-pig accepted by Websters coincidently at the beginning trump’s second term in office. Replaces the word empathy. (What is a 5-letter word for the dominant suit in bridge/euchre or a showboat racist on 14 down on your winter crossword puzzle?).
For peripheral stories, and a bit of comic relief, please see 10 Ways to reinvent yourself as more Caucasian and Why senile white men really make the best leaders on our “Opinions are Like Noses” page.
BIDEN MUST BE STOPPED SAY GOP BOLSHIES
Stalwarts of the failed Trump Presidency warned Americans that if Joseph Biden is not stopped we could end up with a democracy right here in the United States. Fraught and forlorn, these mulish enablers continue to harp along on fantasized election results, private reproductive rights, unhinged immigration and convoluted conspiracy theories sometimes more absurd and deplorable than their personal lives.
“The first time they accuse you or wrongdoings hold up the Christian Bible,” offered one recently elected vestige of the former non-administration. “If that doesn’t work hold up the American flag. If they still persist hold up a picture of Jesus,” she said obdurately.
Fred Cruz and Donald Trump pose with one cup of coffee moments before a recount of foggy tax returns, alleged embellishments and unsavory improprieties hit the fan at the Capitol yesterday
We enter the above statement as Exhibit A in the ongoing realty TV courtroom drama Supreme Quart Saints. — Proof that you can fool some of the people most of the time.
All discussion of the profitability of private off-shore prisons was tabled at the request of the residue-in-waiting (see photo).
Triple standard: Against black-hole giveaways to the poor who, oddly enough, are often their supporters, but favor tax advantages and gaping loop holes for the rich.
In a related development, The House is expected to pass an inglorious Game Show Host Exclusion Bill that could have far-reaching affects within the judicial and legislative branches of the government as well as the executive one.
– Tommy Middlefinger
“Every time you turn on your computer you surrender just a little more of what is human for finer-tip conveniences” – Uncle Pahgre
