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Disgraced Despots Up Up and Away

(Uranus) Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin have reportedly volunteered for a one-way flight to Pluto.

   The two waning  world icons have reportedly agreed to man a Soviet-era Vostok spaceship aimed at Pluto, according to people familiar with these kinds of things. 

     The date for the launch is being kept secret due to security concerns.

     “Both men are expected to appeal what they call “coerced voluntary actions” on the part of a plethora of a world nations. The former honchos continue to deny collusion including an alleged romantic fling in New Jersey in 2019.

     Attorneys for both accidental astronauts fell short of confirming that they had urged Putin and Trump to “take the flight” as anger and accusations burgeon on earth.

     “It’s better than dangling at the end of a rope or waltzing into a firing squad,” said one who demanded animosity.

     Meanwhile supporters of the two have contributed food baskets, caviar, vodka and diet cokes (Trump doesn’t drink) as well as “just add water” Big Macs.

     “I’d go with them,”said one rabid devotee “but there is still work to do down here on earth”.

     When asked about potential openings for sociopaths, with the exit of Putin  and Trump, one organizer said they would cross that void if it becomes necessary saying privately that he hoped that day would never come.

     “Our proverbial ying and yang doesn’t need people like these at the puppet strings,” he stressed offering no comment on rumors that massive spacecraft are under construction to send supporters along “after a while”.

– Small Mouth Bess

“When  they’re sending missiles at your families you learn fast.” 

                                                  – Ukrainian solder getting up to speed on the Patriot missile system