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Gunnison’s rebranding as tropical paradise in hamper

(Ohio Park) Gunnison is a lot of things but one of them is not tropical. That’s what civic leaders here have discovered despite attempts to convince the public otherwise. Heavenly summer temperatures, indigenous trees and the threat of snow has taken the community out of the running for a tropical paradise.

Most people on North Main Street like it that way.

“We’ll never trade our summer weather and the winter really isn’t that cold anymore,” said a lifelong resident standing in the gourmet lunch line at Firebrand Deli. “Fall is perfect and spring den really sucks but we’re all right with the outdoor life.”

Gunnison’s Jorgensen Park in tropical attire. Who’s kidding who?

Attempts of fill in the often-lurking shoulder season may have been commendable but would never fly. Even the tourists can read a thermometer.

“This tropical business jockeying doesn’t even work in July,” said one rancher north of town. It just stresses out the cows.”

Sources in the travel industry agreed with the results of failed rebranding, reinforcing the stark reality that Gunnison does not have a beach, monkeys or even one palm. Mangos do not grow here and a person can get stuck in the snow all 12 months of the year.

“We have a nice town here and don’t savvy all these changes,” continued the rancher. “And there’s a ski area 30 miles away.”

– Estelle Marmotbreath

“Not only do these people not look at the big picture, they don’t even know there is a big picture.”              – Melvin B Toole, on the subject of “those people”.