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Nyuk, Whoop, Hey Moe recognized by Websters

Standards created by the Three Stooges Nyuk Nyuck Nyuck, Whoop-whoop-whoop, and Hey Moe, Hey Moe have been accepted by Webster. Nyuck…Nyuck…Nyuck was recognized as a viable breath of Americana while Whoop-whoop-whoop had to be reclassified as colloquial to qualify for the ranking. Hey Moe…Hey Moe, the only honor bestowed on what are are actually words and not just sounds made the cut to the surprise of the grammar gods. Barking in various modes as well as the famous shuffle made popular by Curly could not be classified as verbs or nouns and were thus discarded. Some sort of muddled or frenzied reception is planned for an undisclosed location.

Toole slapped with franchise tag

(Eldridge, CO) Long-winded scribe, Melvin Toole, has been slapped with a franchise tag here according to a testament released this morning. The statement, peppered with scant, illusive data and mumbled information said only that the tag was a surprise.

“It was just a flesh wound,” chided the 112-year-old who refuses to retire, or change his underwear regularly.

“It didn’t hurt but what should I do now,” he plead.

The recipient, speaking from the shaded deck at First Light Liquors here had no further comment and did not field questions.

Toole is the author of more than 200 books on the inner ear.

“He is the kind of person that slices his burger in half before he eats it.” said one close friend. “These little side trips without at least basic micro-dosing often cause a lot of chaos, even some violent episodes. In one case it required 4 large men to subdue the 117-pound Toole and that’s before he started hitting the weight room  twice a day