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Summer ’21 to be juried event

(Colona) Persons vacationing in Western Colorado next season will be doing so by invitation only according to a resolution adopted last night by Colorado Brie Country. While most tourists will be invited back, the roster will be determined by a jury of residents who will make all final decisions on the matter.

“Once the final invitation list is released there will be no exceptions,” said Jack Spratt of Gladstone Amusements. “This is an occasion where less is more. We think the people included in our official observation of summer will experience a more meaningful vacation without the fringe element in attendance.”

Spratt chose not to comment on rumors that the United States Border Patrol will be employed to keep intruders out of the inter-mountain region through September. Unreliable sources here and at the foot of Storm King insist that the feds have been invited in.

“They did one crack job at keeping illegal Latin American immigrants from walking into Maine,” said one member of the jury. We think they can do the same for us.”

It was not clear how this decision would affect restrictions on water grabs by the Confront Range next spring. At present any exchange must be approved on a bucket-by-bucket basis until that region realizes that growth without water cannot be tolerated on either side of the Continental Hayride.  

– Zorro DesPlants

“When poor people are rude and ignorant we write it off to bad breeding. When rich people are rude and ignorant we write it off to bad breeding. It is separate but equal bad breeding.”  

– Paula Parvenu