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STREETS NAMED FOR TERRORISTS NIXED BY VOTE

(Wimpton) Voters here have come out 3 to 1 on the question of whether a local developer can name streets in his subdivision after known terrorists. In a special referendum held here prior to the general vote, 80% voted against the idea.

The creators of Trepidation Terrace, a gated community at 3388227755 1/2 Road, had already engaged in the questionable labeling when several nearby neighbors became alarmed. Soon petitions flowed like irrigation water. 

Sources at Catastrophe Realty say they wanted to name the first three streets after Arab terrorists like that Aba Dalla fellow from the Taliban and some of the better known jihad all-stars from Algeria. Terrorists linked to the World Trade Center bombing would be featured on the streets while suspects in the US Embassy explosion in Kenya would be noted on the avenues.

Determining the birth names of many of the terror luminaries was difficult since they don’t generally wear name tags on the job. 

“They tend to operate incognito,” said the neighbor.     

 The second grid would feature the names of gestapo officers which, due to the fascist obsession with record keeping, was an easier task.

“The third tier would be reserved to honor of political dragoons here in the USA,” said one concerned citizen who operates a holistic sugar beet farm across the highway from the project. The entire subdivision resembles the Oklahoma City federal building anyway. They had already set up the signs and were waiting for the cement to dry.”

When it became apparent that the subdivision would run short of appropriate terrorists the developers added tyrants like Joseph Stalin, Pol Pot and Augusto Pinochet. 

“Imagine,” he mused, “living on a nice quiet, sapling-lined avenue named Gang of Four Lane or Hitler Court. What would one tell the kids?”

Despite the controversy over 300 fast food concerns have expressed interest in building outlets in and around the Trepidation tract. Knowing that memories are short and that working families no longer sit down for meals together the grease vultures figured to make a killing there.

A spokesman for the US Civil Liabilities Union announced plans to investigate the entire matter to determine if the civil rights of the terrorists had been violated. 

Next time: For decades local farmers grew Molotov cocktails the size of bowling balls on the fertile crescent which has now been paved. – Kashmir Horseshoe 

“Incompetence is its own reward.” – Special Envoy Brian Hook, who has had the Iranian Portfolio since 2018