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Monkeys Evolving at Alarming Pace

(Washington) Simians, constituting a clear majority in the primate classification, will soon overtake humans so far as population and range of influence it was disclosed today.

Not only, according to a bevy of celebrity monkey watchers, will the primates (Cercopithecidae) become the dominant sub-group in the international pecking order but they will overtake human intelligentia by 2075.

“The simiiformes have made tremendous, albeit subtle, advances over the past decade especially in the highly contested fields of science and engineering,” said Dr. Carl LaFongue, of the Bilateral Institute here. “And they are just getting started.”

Never before has a phenomenon like this grabbed the attention of the world. As we all watched, the price of bananas has skyrocketed as has designated tree space.

“Monkeys have quickly filled the void left by cousin humans clearly more interested in technology than what is natural,” continued LaFongue. “It’s a frightening shade of the Neanderthal.”

 “Yes, we have no bananas. Homo Sapiens has forgotten about all those wooden souls out there in the forests and jungles,” continued LaFongue, who prefers avocados to bananas. 

Critics of the studies have been harsh.

“You wanna be the top dog, heh monkey? Fine. You run the place.” 

Creative landscaping boulders. You haul. Some as large as meteors maybe. Blue Creek Canyon Demolition and Recovery, Sapinero.