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Grandfather clauses are only as good as the grandfather himself.

Guinness always appears in the plural form. Attempts to employ in the singular are grammatically and socially incorrect. It’s similar to deer and hops. 

Murphy gas can cover Ballyhops in springtime

I don’t trust the government or the media and I don’t rely on the cops.

If all politicians were professional wrestlers the conventions would be worth watching.

The Heeny Tick Festival has had its fiscal difficulties over the past few years.

On British television they have a program that presents actual hospital operations live each day. In Ireland they bet on the outcome.

West Texas may have been shorted on landscapes but more than makes up for it in percentage of beautiful women.

Praying is perfectly legitimate in Bingo parlors. The gov’ment hasn’t regulated that freedom yet.

If the feds drain Lake Powell they will have no place to put all that water.

The Luddites were right.

If the Creator were inclined to invest in humans again he/she might be planning to send a daughter next time around. Why not let her give it a try.

Vegetarians are not within the target audience of the Slim Jim Company.

With the recent sale of a 1955 Cadillac Sedan de Ville to Hector Perez of Santiago, Cuba there are now more vintage Yanqui cars in that country than in the U.S. This shameful disregard for cultural priorities has been documented by everyone from John Elway to the American Automobile Club. If Roscoe Ortega can come up with the down payment on a 1959 Lincoln Town Car this weekend it is feared the Cubans may enjoy a two-car lead by the All-Star break.

If you answered Bill Clinton in our April Name A Famous Person From Arkansas Contest you win nada. That was not exactly the answer we were looking for, by any stretch of the imagination.

Alan Greenspam should thank the IRS for slowing down the U.S. economy.

If the Ten Commandments serve no secular purpose (as a federal judge ruled recently in London, Kentucky than what constitutes secular?

Thanks to the millions of dollars spent to take the recent census we can accurately determine that no one lives on Duckwater Peak in Eastern Nevada. In addition very few persons reside on nuclear test sites there either.