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PGA Approves Shock Treatments

The Professional Golfers Association today announced that it would approve the use of controversial and somewhat archaic shock treatment to correct poorly planned chip shots and pathetic, lunging putts.

Stressing that the procedures would be strictly a last resort therapy and only administered in dire situations with prior knowledge of the despondent linkster/patient.

“It’s come to this with some of our clumsier golfers,” whelped one empathetic course pro with a flair for words: “For 18 holes flailing almost swan-like in their hoop-swings they look like crippled, crotchety windmill vanes, missing a blade or two. Their chips mimic fresh, trembling chantarelles in a whirling blender, while hurried putts look like the work of sheep forced over a steep cliff, and that says nothing of follow through.”

The PGA did not return our phone calls.  A recorded message did not undress the shock treatments but did remind all golfers to replace their divots.

– Algernon Birdie-Duffer