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Local parrot to call bingo finals

Local parrot to call bingo finals

(Hooverville) With a voice as crisp as falling eucalyptus leaves, a red-sided eclectus parrot named Moses will once again call the 187th Annual Western Executive Bingo Finals here August 6 through 19.

Although he often plays several side cards and wins an excessive amount of the time, Moses remains a local favorite with board enthusiasts. Pruning his feathers, Moses calls the combinations and allows ample time for even the most challenged player to scan his card and respond appropriately.

The parrot speaks very clearly and annunciates with the best of them. Episodes of misunderstanding and defaults are almost non-existent when he holds the reins in the bingo cage. He also speaks Spanish, French, Quechua and Huelgoat (Britany) Gaelic, just in case.

When someone shouts Bingo! Moses gets all worked up, often flying around the room and dive-bombing unsuspecting players while screeching at the top of his once-tropical lungs.

At Club Marmot, his familiar weeknight haunt, the Jingo Bingo Jackpot sits at 6 million dollars as of last night. Moses is expected to be on hand to call the last five letters and numbers and award the prize. Technically domesticated, the bird still bites when exited and most be restrained and guided as to proper bathroom etiquette and wall chewing. 

“This parrot, like most of his species, suffers from spurious gas attacks,” said handler Keno Karuba. “I have to surgically cork him before public events, otherwise the little fella can really stink up a hall. I remember a night in Moline when he called bingo after a Unitarian sock hop. He almost knocked himself off his little perch. I’d swear his voice was an octave higher after that one.” 

From Hillsboro, Grenada, Moses honed his oratory/auditory verbal skills in Imagonagetcha Parish, Louisiana, the home of world-famous bingo callers that ply their trade all over the globe. Hearing that there was an acute shortage of bonafide bingo callers in the Rockies he moved to Colorado in 1995 with the Karuba family. 

“His coonass dialect has always been a hit with the newly arriving Californians in so many bingo halls and shanties in these parts, quacked Karuba.

Also known as psittacines, parrots come in roughly 398 species, although many are endangered. A 40-year life span is normal, while the owlish Kakapo can live up till 80.

At first, imitating human words and sounds is cute and clever according to a slew of parrot and bird lovers, but the relentless parrot chatter gets old fast. Moses will continue to call bingo long after everyone has relinquished his cards. He is said to go all night long and into the dawn unless one puts the cover over his cage. 

Moses and the refined Bingo call

“B-49 seems to be his most favorite combination. He says it all the time,” Karuba confessed, “followed by G-16.”

Molly Etchabarron who has won over 3 million dollars playing bingo locally since 1952 and has spent little of the loot. She prefers to personally escort her winnings through the front door of Lords of Boards Rest Home, a secure station for captured rooks, squandered monopoly fortunes, cribbage castaways and broken backgammon barons. BGR Home has recently expanded, offering counseling and shock treatments for recovering crossword puzzle addicts and late-night weegie board trollers.

“Imagine the kind of moron that would encourage a parrot to call bingo games,” said Etchabarron, “when pets such as goldfish and ferrets contribute to one’s inner peace. I bring my Oranda goldfish, Earl, to Tuesday night bingo/casserole night and he hasn’t a clue as to what is transpiring inches away from his portable tank.”

-Puffington Budgie