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Olathe Celebrates Hay Pride Week

Despite threats of a blowback boycott on sweet corn and yellow onions next fall, the town of Olathe is going ahead with a scheduled Hay Pride Week it was announced today. Hay from all over North America will be displayed as the town rolls out the red carpet for the tenth time in eleven years.

“The only year we missed was 1985 when Ronald Reagan sent our entire crop to the Russians for pancake mix,” said one hayseed and Hay Pride advocate. “In exchange we got subsidized and ended up with a couple hundred cases of Russian vodka. Now them’s some corn squeezins to be sure,” he coughed. “That kept the whole town toasted for most of the winter.”

Although no schedule has been released, the event will feature bale tossing, wagon races, a pancake supper and a special appearance by Helen or Gabby Hayes impersonators. As darkness falls a free hayride will be offered for kids under 90 and several local residents will be inducted into the Irrigator’s Hall of Fame located over at Pea Green.

The celebration will then continue through the next day with yet another pancake feast (this one with sausages) and a noon concert by Hazel and the Haymakers all the way from Delta. The festivities will then culminate with a candlelight parade through local haystacks in which VIP participants again consume vast quantities of pancakes and wash them down with (aforementioned) chilled Russian vodka.

Federal agents will attend to see that no illegal herbage is mixed in with the grass, clover and alfalfa common to the local fodder.

-H.L. Menoken