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Hospital admits botched nose job

Schnozz Work Blown 

(Mao Clinic) Physicians here have come clean on mysterious circumstances surrounding a host of cosmetic surgeries performed over the past month.

Rare admission of incompetence within the often taciturn medical community, seen as gods by the great unwashed.

It appears that several recent surgeries were poorly conducted and others have not ended well leaving patients in trauma and confusion. Several have reported facial ticks, headaches, nightmares and disorientation while more chronic cases project ugly artificial skin graphs and discarded or misplaced body parts. 

One man says he was left with multiple noses where his ears should be. 

“One fell into my soup the first night I was eating ,” he explained in tears.

Other patients echo similar complaints.

Through an abysmal apology the hospital hoped to save grace with the insurance companies who in turn attempted to save grace with Big Pharm. All of this while keeping things as light as possible, adding a tinge of humor.

“Many of our clients need mental evaluation before and after their procedure,” said the oft quoted Warren Heade, one of a rare breed of neurological-protologist at Mao.

“Hey, we all take in on the chin sometimes,” said a another department head.

Martin Lockheed Esq.

in a related piece : 

“Butt Lifts Often Backfire,” says defrocked surgeon.