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20 Years Ago in the Horseshoe

Four point plan unveiled

(Montrose) Angry with what it calls bungling and insensitivity in the Balkans the powerful city state of Colona has pulled its ambassador from Washington and sent an angry letter to the United Nations.

Early on the Colonese supported the NATO response to aggression on the part of the Serbian armed forces but now, according to one very high official “the NATO bombing has only served to escalate the conflict, creating more refugees and general chaos in the region”.

Sources here suggest that there is little a small nation can do when surrounded by a larger one.

“Our policy is to mind our own business and deal with the problems within our geo-political borders,” said a second spokesperson, “and we strongly urge the United States to do the same.”

In an official announcement this morning the Colonese have released a four point plan for the reconciliation of what has been a close relationship to the US in the past:

“First: We have unilaterally disagreed with U.S. foreign policy since right after the War of 1812 and only kept quiet due to diplomatic considerations and for fear of reprisals. Second: The arrogance displayed by the Clinton White House is disturbing in that no one has bothered to return our phone calls since March 24 when the bombing began. Third: Serbian-Americans make up 45% of the Colonese population according to the 1990 census. Fourth: Bombing other countries is mean.”

Colona has reinforced its borders with the United States in apprehension of a less than friendly response. Other regional capitals such as Cahone and Wyoming have expresses support for the Colonese and plan to send humanitarian aid and hay to get the population through until the first harvest in July.

“I got up in the middle of the night and ran down to the pay phone at the Colona Store to call the White House,” said Melvin Toole, ex-fireman turned irrigation engineer. “The least they could have done is returned my call. Sometimes a simple response can keep these situations from going public.”

The Colona House will meet later this afternoon to discuss the reinstitution of conscription and the construction of trenches from Billy Creek to Happy Canyon.

– Kashmir Horseshoe