All Entries Tagged With: "Man obsessed with zip codes"
Colona Man Memorizes Zip Codes
The Great Indoors…
(Colona) Rudolph Flann has successfully memorized over 128,000 zip codes and their accompanying towns all across the United States and Canada. Starting with the easier ones closer to home Flann has increased his retention using word association, sleep deprivation, numerology, self-waterboarding and illegal fun drugs.
Friends and neighbors are impressed, as one might guess, but they never thought he’d carry his obsession so far.
“The man has thousands of five-digit combinations pasted all over his garage and scattered throughout his house,” says one neighbor who feels something should be done. “We don’t want to wake up in the morning and be forced to view zip codes for places we’ve never been or never intend to send mail.”
Flann, who has only been out of Montrose County once ( to Delta) in his 75 years, says his attempts are good for humanity. He first became interested in the zip code phenomenon when a customer asked him why the zip for a jerkwater place like Sapinero, Colorado had the same number of digits as a big city like Cleveland, Ohio. His inability to answer the question plagued him all that afternoon. Just why do all communities have five-digit zips and why won’t the post office deliver a letter without one?
He went home that night and began doing what quickly became tedious, though necessary, research and in time answers to this and other puzzles became clear.
Family members say they realize Flann needs help but something to keep him occupied is cheaper in the long run. He seems happy enough in his retirement but other interests, like golf or stamp collecting might have more merit. Meanwhile Flann defends his efforts in light of what he sees as public information.
“For years I saw the post office generate mounds of information that nobody ever needed to read, and I said to myself: “If they can do it why can’t I? If someone needs to know a zip code they can just call me and I can provide the critical information free of charge in a matter of minutes,” he smiled. Many people out there don’t see the value of this service until they find themselves up against the wall with mail to address. They often call sheepishly…apologetically, saying they had been a non-believer or admitting tearfully that they thought I was a nut. Sure it’s a silly hobby but it beats watching television all night.”
Flann’s wife, Marilyn, may disagree with his appraisal saying the hobby has spun out of control and that her husband should pay more attention to the family, their flock of domestic osprey and to yard work.
“At first I thought the hobby was harmless but now he’s got zip codes all over my kitchen. Last week I inadvertently mailed my mother’s recipe for fried chicken to Dayton, Ohio, and I don’t even know anyone there. If he could make some money with his fixation it might be different but each month he spends more and more on supplies to feed his frenzy,” she said. “Those five-foot numbers that he pastes all over the side of the guest house don’t come cheap.”
Oddly enough Flann has gained a faithful following of other residents interested in improving their knowledge of zip codes.
“We had a guy stop by yesterday who has been chronicling zip codes from Manitoba and he thinks he’s on the verge of a breakthrough into some otherwise unexplored terrain,” quipped Flann. “It’s stimulating to be right here while history is being made. Someday when all the citizens of this great country are required to display personal identification numbers on their foreheads our leaders will thank us for our efforts in this cutting edge technology.”
Persons wishing to see for themselves what Flann and his friends are up to should drop him a postcard. Be sure to include the correct zip code.
“The devil can site Scripture for his purpose.”
– William Shakespeare in The Merchant of Venice
