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FOOD

Arepas likely not served at Last Supper 

(Jardin, Colombia) Despite the insistence of Archbishop Ramiro Innocence “Pepe” Calderon of Bogota,(Colombia) a Final Vatican Council has cast doubt that arepas were part of the fare at the Last Supper. The Pope Francis, the Argentine pontiff who was unable to play the full 18-hole golf/retreat due to a knee injury concurred, saying that he would like to think that  they served beans and rice although the crops were not cultivated in Palestine at the time. 

“Yerba mate and Uruguayan dulce de leche from Uruguay were likely on the card.” . The wine was clearly a kosher Malbec from Mendoza,” said the Francis flexing his infallibility from the chair. Dead Sea scholars agree that it is quite likely that mate found a place at the sacred table and other fare common to the poor.

After dessert the diners split up into two teams and played football despite the finality of the group’s assemblage and clarity as to fiscal spiritual endeavors and forays into Palestinian regional cuisine.

-Maribelle Archette

Slivovitz wins moonshine laurels

Outdistancing Greco-suma  Lao Lao  Smokey Mountains’ White Lghtning  and Irish poteen, Czech slivovitz has again been voted Best Moonshine on Earth by Lunar Distillers International and more than 20 foreign embassies. 

“They did a damn nice job on the batch,” said one appreciative slurper. “The hint of plum is quite a plus.”

 

Alliteration of the week:

“We cannot allow the Western Balcans to become a playground for Putin’s pernicious pursuits,”

– Boris Johnson

Many who attacked Capitol ate wads of raw cookie dough as kids says report

Indicted or not, suspects filmed/interviewed by Captal Police and FBI have one thing in common. They all ate was of raw cookie dough as children. The data emerged as sociologists attempted to string together behavior stats on indicted rioters and prosecutors try to determine where to go next in what are often unchartered waters. 

The cookie dough thing is just one of those odd bit of information that elbows its way into the conversation. Whether this indicates a lack of parental supervision was not clear.

Doctors have issued the stupid warning about consuming cookie dough. They insist that  wolfing raw cookie dough as a child leads to unresolved conflicts and anger issues later in life. (See Chunker gluttons.) 

Counseling is available by people who think they are not crazy too.

“They tapped the anger cask, the hate keg”, said Ellie Ladyfinger. “I think there are other deeper issues than raw flour.” 

Related: The unorthodox and highly inconsequential, even irrelevant manner of gathering information represented a classic good cop – bad cop approach with an eye on stimulating dialogue. Several silly questions about first pets, favorite sports teams, and what they had for breakfast were meant to relax the suspect before the more meaty cross-examination about personal relationships, starting fires and preferred video games reared their heads.