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Ex-Governor Toole Feeling Fine After Amputation

(Cody, WY) Former Dakotese Governor, Melvin Anastasia Toole was pronounced to be in good condition after the emergency amputation of his head. The radical surgery was employed after attempts to halt the spread of infectious thinking failed at the eleventh hour, according to hospital accountants.

     The said infection, which ran from Toole’s mouth to the politician’s occipital muscle and onward through his cerebral flax, was found to have degenerated beyond reasonable therapy and doctors quickly agreed to amputate the offending member, or in laymen’s terms throw out the baby with the bath water.

     Besides the primary infection Toole was found to have exhibited chronic gout breath and hints of frontal gangrene.

     “I had no idea that I was in such shape,” laughed Toole hours after the procedure. “Had I known I was walking around with all of those parts in my head I might have been more careful.”

     Doctors, at the urging of political officers here, had been treating the malady with heavy doses of television in an attempt to shock the patient back into the prescribed fold.

     “The governor stubbornly rejected our remedies and continued his attempts to sabotage the status quo,” said Dr. Simon Lackluster, attending physician at the Mao Clinic here. “When he hurled two television sets through the window and trampled another in his bedroom slippers we had had enough and decided to cut.”

     Toole had only recently alarmed allies and colleagues in Colorado when he suggested that government stop lying to the people and work for the common good of all.

     “Those, my friends, are the words of a monster, a bad apple talking that must be removed from the barrel,” quipped Lackluster. “I didn’t spend all of those years in medical school for anyone’s common good.”

– Rex Montaleone

“While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.” — Henny Youngman in a high-pitched voice.