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DeSantis sends guard into Never-Never Land in Disney Row

(Orlando) Florida Governor Ron DeSantis today instructed the National Guard to take possession of Never-Never Land. Furthermore he has threatened to occupy Fantasyland and Tomorrowland unless the Disney Corporation bows to his demands regarding solidarity and operational status within the state. 

Saying that Never-Never Land was abandoned years ago DeSantis, a Republican, is angry that “elements within the Disney structure have rebelled against the sitting government.”

Critics of DeSantis say he is pissed after being flanked by attorneys for Disney.

“He’s just another bully with a big mouth and no concrete ideas for the people of Florida,” said Ashrisa Washington, a Democrat from Jacksonville. 

Rumors that Goofy and Mini Mouse are being held hostage somewhere in the Everglades were repudiated this afternoon.

What is true, however, is the Disney showcasing of a new ride where both DeSantas and former President Donald Trump are swallowed up by massive seaweed bilge that threatened the Sunshine State last month.  

-Pepper Salte

“The bullpen has been a little bit inconsistent, for sure,” 

– Rockies manager Bud Black.