All Entries Tagged With: "free pot"

Bank Backpedals on Popular Giveaway

(Manana) The Who’s on First National Bank will refrain from offering first-time customers cannabis products along with free checking and banking by mail it was disclosed today.

The ultra-popular program, a brainchild of pot entrepreneurs sensitive to fiscal blacklisting and financial harassment by the feds, sought to present marijuana is a more favorable light.

Bank offers expanding premiums no more

“We didn’t encourage anyone to light up in the lobby or operate motor vehicles under the influence,” said a former vice president who was “removed from his managerial position” by corporate bosses who live in backwater states where cannabis is still illegal.

In Colorado pot is as legal as the day is long,” said an attorney representing “elements” associated with the lending institution. “It’s also highly educational.”

Customers will have until the weekend to take advantage of the give-away with an assortment of edibles and teas. At exactly 5 pm a massive bonfire will be conducted in the parking lot so as to further comply with directives from up above.

A spokesman at the governor’s office laughed off the confrontation saying, ”As far as we know the substance is legal here and the bank has every right to give premiums away to its customers at its discretion.”

-Gabby Haze