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Trout Shortages Linger

(Montrose) Despite the rain and the efforts of the federals, a chronic shortage of trout continues to plague Western Colorado. While dwindling numbers continue to chafe the fannies of DOW personnel, local anglers appear content with the sybaritic properties inherent to the ancient relationship between man and fish.

“What’s all that about?” asked Al Pescadante, a spokesman for our raging bucolic paradise. “These are hard times for trout. For generations we’ve watched as the older fish retire at a rapid pace and the younger ones, victims of the fiscal current, head off to make their fortune in the city. The thinning ranks of production are aggravated by demands on social services while idle fish hang out under rocks. Sure, some of the younger fish return but by then all the good bait has been eaten.

Although purely hypothetical, many attest the theory of destructive humus fungi in the streams. Others feel the fish themselves should bear the brunt of reconciliation with their environs.

“We’re sick of these trout standing around with their hands out,” said Wanda Wanna, a blind fillet advocate who once tied more than 1300 flies in less than a week. “You don’t see kokanee on welfare, do you? For decades I’ve listened to trout whine about their predicament. Why don’t they pull themselves up by the boot straps like other fish?”

Some relief is expected following an extensive contract signed by Mountain Valley Fish and Oyster and the San Juan Horseshoe last month. In short the agreement calls for more career opportunities of fish in return for in-cooler/on-shore packaging considerations.

“Our goal is to get these fish back on track. Trout were much happier back in the Seventies,” said one fish market architect, “or at least they seemed to be.”

– Small Mouth Bess