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Reflections by Rev. Phil Pharisee

Many of you have asked: Rev. Phil, do fish have souls? Well, haven’t you ever heard of filet of sole? 

Listen, brothers and sisters, I haven’t a clue. My sermon this week is about drive trains and sluggish transmissions but I’ll give it a whirl. 

Here’s the hook: If earwigs, flies, spiders and prairie dogs have souls why wouldn’t fish be equally equipped? Just because they are cold-blooded doesn’t mean they cannot go on to another life. Should we eat them? Why not? They don’t care. Once they’ve been caught they’re pretty much washed up anyway. Bear eat them and so do a lot of other animals. It’s all part of the digestion cycle, much like our own frozen food aisle.

Actually fish have it petty easy just so long as they aren’t gobbled up by other fish. While spawning is immoral, laying eggs is perfectly all right. Catching trout with a license is ridiculous. They like worms and salmon eggs far better. Should you use a boat? Sure, just as long as you do not entertain obscene thoughts out on the lake. 

The other night when I was in conference with you know who he told me, “Chill, Phil. I can really get behind the people who help themselves and don’t bother me with all their petty problems, their mindless situations. There’s just too much doing onto one and other without facing the consequences. The hot seat is in store for a lot of them who think they have secured a first class ticket going up. I think another Spanish Inquisition would clear the air…”

Candid enough. So fish do have souls. Now tickle that collection plate and get on with life. Those in the first pew now shall be in the back of the bus later. Adieu.