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First Test Tube Cell Phone Stable

(Denver) The nation’s first artificially bred cell phone is alive and doing well in incubation here. What this could do to the already burgeoning over-tech industry is anyone’s assessment.

In a prepared statement the proxy parents, God and Country Electronics, of Little Rock, expect that their off-spring phone will “relieve the blur between reality and fantasy, but not too much.”

“We don’t want any of our clients to start thinking,” smiled Dude Hectare, who has most of his teeth still. People who think realize they don’t need our crap and before you know it they stop laying out thousands to satisfy their pop culture egos. They think flashy cell phones make them cool and we don’t want to tip the turnip cart on this one.”

Critics of the entire biological explosion conclude that maters are definitely out of hand.

“Things started to go south around the time the Sumerians learned to talk with strings and tin cans,” said the Hectare…or was it when Napoleon discovered s party line in place at Waterloo? I can’t recall the GPS coordinates.”

Readers may recall that these same inventors recently patented a wooden, windowed comfort station that would in theory grace Scenic Views all over Colorado. The Pee-And-See is self-contained and never needs emptying. Custom ocean and night sky views are available. Flat terrain, night travel, chuckhole consultation and epic highway construction are in the sights of a bevy of planners.

Sadly these innovative boobs took a cowardly night flight to avoid creditors, social ostracism and banishment from the local chamber of commerce.

“Another failure won’t stop us!” said a principle as he did mobile gymnastics on main street before skidding across the border into the abyss.

-Tommy Middlefinger

“A deeper comprehension of the ocean’s waves cannot be ascertained with one’s head in the sand.”  – Dag Katz