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(Montrose) Persons wishing to publicly incinerate  books deemed to be dangerous or indecent are encouraged to meet the colorful mobile book burning entourage scheduled for a stopover here on Tuesday.

Seen as highly controversial in progressive circles, the effort tags only volunteer burnings and in no way intrudes on First Amendment rights according to the dedicated staff comprised of vocal and challenged icons and castaways from the accepted learning curve. 

The 40-foot converted RV is equipped with 3 industrial brick ovens and outdoor barbecue apparatus designed to ignite even the most reticent of titles. It boasts of 200 security cameras, livestock racks, an antique henway flamethrower and 4000 television stations, the latter often prescribed as a  substitute for book learning.

Our aim is to control the surge in liberal thinking that has led to our present state of affairs,” said a backup driver/philosopher. “We do not employ solar energy or recycle the ashes from the doomed anthologies since that is Communist. 

Books that have continually survived the cut include the Bible and the United States Constitution, that admittedly none of these nomadic advocates of morality has read.

“We have enough to do driving around burning books without reading,” said the source. “Our fears were securely welded years ago despite a leftist drive to introduce compound sentences and hyperbole.” 

“Well the scabs they run when they heard he’d come, and the bosses started to pray.”  Willis Allen Ramsey in “A Boy From Oklahoma” (tribute to Woody Guthrie).