All Entries Tagged With: "evolution"

Supreme Quart Bans Evolution

(Washington) The newly reorganized Supreme Quart has voted unanimously to ban the theory of evolution within the borders of the United States. The move which not only negates evolution as an explanation for existence also bans its teaching and application.

“We will no longer evolve,” said one justice, “but rather follow the simpler story of creation in our daily lives. Anyone who refuses to get in line will face strict penalties.”

When asked about the sacred separation of church and state as defined by the Constitution the black-robed judges called for an immediate recess to study the document.

Many recent Trump appointees have lobbied for the passage of this measure since 911 saying that the country did not need evolution and that it confused their constituency. They mean to enforce their philosophy in both public and private much like “them mullahs do in Iran”.

“The nation has not noticeably evolved since 1990 and these people are, by evil design, continuing that flow,” said critics who promised to fight the decision. Citing a fast-food eating consumer populace “too fat to fight” they conceded that their struggle would not be an easy one.

“We are drifting along somewhere between the Spanish Inquisition and the Dark Ages,” said one Congressman, “and that can’t be fun for anyone.”

In other business the justices have moved to outlaw cartoons in that they are seen as making fun of the President and his cabinet. The Quart then rubber stamped a request on the part of the White House to ship Mike Pence to the Philadelphia Phillies despite league restrictions and trade deadlines.

– Suzie Compost