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Pharmaceutical Companies Seek Drugstore Cowboys

(Gunnison) Three of the nation’s largest pharmaceutical companies were in town over the weekend interviewing drugstore cowboys for prospective positions. Of the over 200 applicants, some from as far away as Creede, 12 were invited back for a second meeting slated for Tuesday.

Slow going this time of the year and the above average wages associated with jobs in this sector were cited as reasons for the high turnout. An unusually high turnover rate among employees working in the research field may also account for the monumental response.

“Most of our applicants were interested in positions riding shotgun on drug transports or intercepting the elderly engaged in buying cheaper prescriptions in Canada or Mexico,” said one employment counselor who says she talked to at least 100 persons Saturday alone. “A few were even curious about bit parts in commercials,” she said, “but what we’re looking for is research associates.”

Research associates, as this reporter soon learned, are nothing more than guinea pigs that are paid to undergo testing of new products not yet approved by the FDA and thus not yet released to the general public. Although the pharmaceutical companies did not attempt to misrepresent their needs they were less than clear as to real opportunities.

“Nobody said nothin’ about drug tests at the barbecue last night,” said one unemployed Almont wrangler who was subsequently rejected for a research position because of the size of his ears. “We all thought these folks was legit and such.”

Another cowpuncher who claims it would take getting kicked in the head before she’d take so much as an aspirin said she felt betrayed.

“I shoulda known that when they told me I had to check my spurs at the door that something was haywire.”  

The interviews are conducted annually all over the Rockies but these were the first centered on Gunnison. 

– Signelle de Bushe