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Congress Sponsors Dodge Ball Team

(Bethesda MD) The United States Congress will dodge more than the issues this spring with the creation of the Capitol Idea, an amateur dodge ball team, which will compete against other government agencies in 2022. Citing popularity of the sport and the relative expense of fielding a team, the Senate and the House of Representatives will participate as one unit. 

A recent vote in the Senate, which unanimously approved a plan to pay the governing body minimum wage until the deficit is covered, will require that lawmakers travel to out-of-town games on the bus rather than in private jets.  

Most other competitive agencies will follow the prescribed One Man – One Eight-cylinder Pickup approach to transport, with the Central Intelligence team relying solely on mental telepathy to reach the playing fields. Homeland Security will not field a team since the entire contingent is out digging trenches around the White House.

“Dodging balls is better than dodging bullets,” said one Congressman, who has been opposed to war since ten minutes after voting for several invasions all the way back to 2003.   

“Hopefully we can get around to officially designating pesky policies after lunch,” he said.                                

– Carl LaFong